My boyfriend's parents seem to have "gone off" me and I don't know what the problem is! Here are the facts: Everything was fine when I first started dating him (Nov 2008). We had a long distance relationship as he was working in Portugal. Feb 2009 he decided he wanted to move back to the UK to be with me and began looking for jobs. I fully supported him with this however it was entirely his decision to move back, I didn't pressure him! June 2009 he left Portugal and we both rented a room in his parents house while we looked to buy a house. Everything was lovely and friendly. August 2009 his brother got a new girlfriend. Since then everything's changed. (Dec 2009 we bought a house and moved out) Here's a bit about this girl: - I've never found it this hard to get along with someone! - She point blank refuses to talk to me or my boyfriend, giving one word answers or just ignoring us completely, something which we both find highly irritating and very rude. - She got pregnant less than 3 months and to begin with was very irresponsible (drinking, drugs, smoking) - She doesn't do ANYTHING around their house instead sits in front of the TV while everyone cooks/cleans for her. - She's moved in however doesn't have to pay rent. My problem is that no matter what I do, his parents always seem to prefer this girl when (in my opinion) they shouldn't. I've tried very hard to get along with her however they seem to see it as MY fault we don't get along! Since we've moved out they've been round most days helping with decorating, that's great and I'm fully appreciative but their 'helping' consists of telling us how to decorate, what colours etc, it even went as far as them insisting we built a wall between the open plan kitchen/living area, something which both me and my partner liked about the house! This has calmed down since my boyfriend told them to stop but I can't help feeling slightly resentful that they treat us like children. We have a house, we are financially stable (temporarily crippled from moving expenses), we haven't got a baby on the way etc, the opposite to his brother who they completely leave alone! I don't know what to do! I can only think of a couple of reasons why they don't like me and they are pretty pathetic... 1/ They blame me for their son giving up his well paid job abroad (as I said, I had nothing to do with this decision) 2/ They think I am sponging off him because I'm a student (OK, I can see this one however I'm paying half the mortgage, I pay for food and household bills, any extra money I have goes on things for the house... I don't see that as sponging, obviously I can't pay for as many things as he can as I am on 1/10th of his salary but we've spoken about these things and he is happy with the way things are. Also this other girl is a student and sponges ridiculously off their other son who has very little money anyway) I'm beginning to tear my hair out here, I obviously have a problem with not being liked! :) Can anyone give me help with what to do? Or else just reassurance I'm not completely neurotic! mt75689, you're right, I can't think of 5 things, but I don't despise her. I do actually want a decent relationship with her as I believe there's a chance she might be nicer that what she's letting on. I've tried for 6 months and haven't really got anywhere. Would I try that hard for someone I despise?
Marriage & Divorce - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You are neurotic, lol....I mean that in a kind and reassuring way. If you stop comparing yourself to others, you won't feel like you're coming up short! His parent's opinions of you are less important than his...and he can't help who his parents are. Time to let it all go...you'll feel better. :)
2 :
Stop making this a computation and just live your life. Take their ideas as suggestions and do what you want. Treat the girl as if she was invisible, that's how she treats you, don't waste time on her. I have a feeling she won't be around too long. Stop torturing yourself about the lack of respect from his parents, it is their problem not yours.
3 :
Women sure know how to build a case against someone... One thing I know is that when you allow yourself to despise someone, it's almost impossible to find something good to say about them. Go ahead and try. Find 5 nice things to say about this girl ~ I bet you can't do it. The point of this exercise is so that you can see what you have become. You're angry, you feel as though you being treated unfairly, you believe yourself to be better than this girl, and you want your boyfriend's parents to acknowledge that. Your attitude is making YOU the problem, and it is affecting your perception of the situation.
